


Remus Lupin One Shots

by Hermioneshandbag (Obscurilicious)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-06 21:42:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 15,541
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16840969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Obscurilicious/pseuds/Hermioneshandbag





	1. Obviously

“Siri-bear!” you heard in a shrill voice.

“Oh sweet Merlin,” you groaned. “Of all the girls in this school, how do you always find the dumbest –”

“Hush,” Sirius snapped.

“Alright, but I am trying to eat so if I chunder I’m aiming for you.”

“There’s my love bug!” Amelia squealed as she dropped down onto the bench next to Sirius.

“There’s lunch,” you muttered, causing Sirius to elbow you.

“Hello, Amelia,” Sirius said a bit uncomfortably.

“How’s my sweet cuddle bunny?”

“And here comes breakfast,” you snarked.

“Are you ready to head to class, Amelia? I’ll walk you,” Sirius said quickly, wanting to avoid both your comments and you overhearing any more of her nauseating endearments. He shot you a look over his shoulder as he escorted her out of the Great Hall.

“You are so obvious, Y/N,” Remus snickered.

“Hmmm?” you replied, genuinely confused at his comment.

“You never like Sirius’ girlfriends.”

“Oh. Well then yes, I guess I am obvious. He dates twits,” you said with a shrug.

“I mean,” Remus Drew the word ‘mean’ out longer than necessary, “that you never like them because you’re jealous.”

“Are you jesting right now?”

“No. You obviously want him for yourself.”

“You look like Remus, but I’m quite certain he knows the meaning of the word ‘obvious,’” you said speculatively. “Therefore I shall assume that you are someone else who took a Polyjuice potion to pretend to be Remus for some unknown reason. Not bad. You have the obnoxious, know-it-all thing down but Remus has a better vocabulary.”

You got up to go to your class and Remus got up to walk with you.

“Admit it already, you like Sirius! Why else would you always make fun of his girlfriends?”

“Remus, I know this must be difficult for you to understand what with the torch you’ve always carried for him –”

“Oh ha ha,” Remus interrupted.

“But,” you continued loudly, “I am not interested in Sirius. His girlfriends annoy me regardless of whether he’s dating them. They just annoy me more when he is because I have to be around them if I want to be around him. Which I do, because he is my _friend._ ”

“I still think you like him,” he said peevishly.

“You could not be more wrong, Remus,” you said sincerely. “Well…yeah you could be more wrong if you suggested I like Snivellus or Malfoy. But that’s right ‘round the bend to crazy, not just wrong.”

Remus looked at you with narrowed eyes. “There’s something you’re not telling me.”

“Merlin, Remus, there’s loads of things I’m not telling you. Where shall I begin?” you said with a laugh.

“How about with your crush on Sirius.”

“You still on that?”

“I’m convinced,” he said stubbornly.

As the two of you arrived at your class, you said, “Oh, I have a huge crush, but it isn’t on Sirius,” and walked to your table and sat down next to Lily.

Remus attempted to follow you to ask who, but Slughorn gave him a look that made him decide that perhaps it could be settled later. He turned and took his seat at the table diagonal from yours.

A little while later as you were taking notes on the rather complicated potion you were going to brew next, you felt a poke on your shoulder. You automatically turned to see who was behind you and noticed Remus with his wand out, having just used it to poke you, trying to get your attention with an interested James spectating.

“Who?” Remus mouthed.

You gave him a look and mouthed, “What is wrong with you?” which James found to be particularly amusing.

A while later, you headed over to the ingredients cabinet to gather supplies and Remus grabbed your elbow and whispered, “Tell me!”

You looked right and left to see who was around, pulled him a step further away and gestured for him to bend down. Remus did so gladly with a satisfied smile on his face. You then stood on tiptoes, cupped your hand around his ear and whispered, “No.”

He straightened quickly and gave you a dirty look as you giggled and went back to get your ingredients.

“I will find out, Y/N,” he muttered.

“When I’m ready for you to find out, Remus John Lupin, and not a moment before.”

* * *

Sirius caught up with Remus after potions. “What’s wrong with you, Moony? You’ve been in a mood all day long.”

Remus made a face and said, “Oh, Y/N is being mysterious.”

“Y/N is being…mysterious. How so?”

Remus blushed a little and said, “I thought she was always mocking your girlfriends because she likes you. But she told me I couldn’t be more wrong.”

“Me?” Sirius barked a laugh. “Blimey, we’d kill each other. I am definitely not her type.”

Remus stopped walking and after a step Sirius turned to see what happened to him. “Do you know who is her type?” Remus asked him.

“In fact, I do.”

“Who.”

“Oh no, you don’t. Ask her.”

“I have been since lunch. She won’t tell me.”

“Really? Well, you know her as well as anyone. Who do you think is her type?” With that, Sirius walked away, leaving Remus standing in the middle of the hallway pondering his words.

* * *

Remus became a man possessed. It was as if he was becoming as obsessed as James was about Lily. He took note of anyone you spoke with, especially if you laughed at their joke because you had a particularly dry sense of humor and obvious jokes didn’t always amuse you. Remus knew just how to make you laugh, so if he saw you with someone the right kind of funny he had a chance to be the one.

He took out a piece of parchment at his desk later and started making a list.

Smart. He would also have to be smart. You were bloody brilliant as far as Remus was concerned and he knew that you would need someone who could hold his own in a conversation. How many hours had the two of you spent debating the long-term effects of the goblin war of 1612 or the best way to cast a certain spell?

Tall. He recalled one time you mentioned you liked tall men, so any shorties were right out. You were always hopping on his back for piggyback rides and saying how it’s a good thing he was so tall.

Kind. He’d need to be kind. While you weren’t above the odd prank, you would never be a part of anything mean-spirited. You were always helping firsties who got lost and such. He would definitely need to be kind. You always helped Remus to temper the sometimes rash ideas of the other boys.

Enjoys reading. He would also need to be a reader. You loved nothing more than to discuss a favorite books, spending hours hidden away with one lost in a world within the pages. Remus couldn’t begin to recall all of the times the two of you had found a corner to snuggle up and talk about books.

Supportive. He would need to be supportive, though. You had so much enthusiasm for life. You were a joy to be around and the man for you would need to have the wisdom to understand that your spirit must not be dampened, but always embraced. You weren’t a woman to be controlled but enjoyed. You didn’t need a master, you needed a partner. Remus used to try to protect you from every little thing but had come to realize that you were a strong person. Your gender didn’t define your strength. He now stepped aside until you looked to him for help.

Sensitive. He would need to be sensitive. At times, you could be downright moody. But couldn’t everyone, really? So many times had he been snappish around the full moon, yet you were always understanding when he would become sullen or cranky. You always just handed him some chocolate and held his hand, gently rubbing your thumb across his scarred knuckles.

Dependable. And whomever the lucky guy was would need to be dependable. Nothing upset you more than someone buggering off on plans. Unless Remus was physically ill from a transformation, he was always certain to be there for you. He always relied on you and felt that it was what you needed and deserved.

Remus looked at his list and thought that while there might be more superficial things he could add, like handsome since you were so beautiful, but attractiveness was so subjective. Merlin, you had told him on numerous occasions how handsome he was, and Godric knows he wasn’t with all his scars.

  1. Funny
  2. Smart
  3. Tall
  4. Kind
  5. Enjoys Reading
  6. Supportive
  7. Sensitive
  8. Dependable



So this was his basic list. He just needed to find someone who fit all if these and he would know who Y/N liked.

James came over to see what Remus was working on so feverishly. Moony was so intent on his list that he didn’t even notice James spying.

James raised his eyebrows to Sirius and he came over to read over Moony’s shoulder as well. In a classic one-two, James distracted Remus and Sirius stole the parchment.

“What is this, Moony?” he asked, though he had a pretty good idea.

“It’s nothing, give it back,” Remus said, making a grab for it as his cheeks flooded red.

“1. Funny. 2. Smart. 3. Tall. 4. Kind.”

“Filling out a personal ad for _Witch Weekly_ , Moony?” James said with a laugh.

“Shut it, Prongs,” Remus said with another swipe at the parchment that Sirius was waving around.

“I think he’s trying to figure out who Y/N fancies,” Sirius said with a sly smile.

James looked genuinely surprised. “Really? Everyone knows, Moony.”

“Well, clearly I don’t!” Remus snapped, grabbing the parchment from Sirius and shoving it in his pocket and stalking to the door to leave.

“You’re definitely on the right track, Moony,” Sirius called after him.

After Remus slammed the door, James looked at Sirius and said, “For a genius, he can really be quite dim.”

“Total shitwit,” Sirius agreed.

* * *

You found Remus leaning against a tree and staring into Black Lake. You walked over and said, “Alright, Moony?”

Remus jumped a bit, so lost in his own thoughts that he didn’t notice your approach. “Oh! Hi, Y/N. I’m alright. How are you?”

“I’m fine. You seem a bit distracted.”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said, looking down sheepishly and rubbing the back of his neck.

“Wanna talk about it?” you asked.

“Not really,” he said with a small smile.

“Really? I thought we could talk about most anything?” you said, a tiny bit hurt.

“Not this, sorry.”

“Yeah, alright. I guess I’ll leave you to your brooding,” you said, turning to leave.

“Who do you fancy, Y/N?” he blurted out.

You turned slowly back to face him. “That’s what has you so preoccupied? Merlin, Remus, why?”

“I just…need to know.”

“Remus, it’s embarrassing. He doesn’t reciprocate my feelings. I’d rather just get over him.”

“I made a list of qualities I thought you’d like in a man.”

“Really,” you said, shocked that this was so important to him.

“Yes,” he said, pulling the parchment from his pocket and showing you.

“This is very accurate, actually. Describes him perfectly. You do know me well, Moony.”

“I can’t think of anyone who fits the description that you ever spend any time with.”

You moved to stand directly in front of Remus and took his hand, looking down at your joined hands for a moment while you gathered your courage. You quickly looked up into his eyes and back down again. “Can’t you, Remus?”

Remus was speechless.

You let go of his hand and cleared the lump from your throat and said, “Anyway, I told you he didn’t reciprocate the feeling. And clearly you don’t.” You turned to walk away before your tears fell and embarrassed you further.

Remus shook himself and grabbed your hand and pulled you into his arms. “Me?” he said with a bit of a squeak.

“You,” you answered quietly, still not meeting his eyes.

Remus gently tipped your head back so he could look into your eyes and said, “I’m not entirely sure this is real, so I’m going to go ahead and kiss you before I wake up.”

You giggled and threw your arms around his neck and he kissed you gently, then with more passion.

When you stopped to catch your breath, he said, “Me?”

You nodded happily and said, “You, Remus. Always you.”

“Then would this be a good time to tell you I love you?”

“I love you, too, Remus.”

He kissed you again, holding you close and marveling that he had everything he ever wanted right here in his arms. You checked off every item on his list.

“I can’t believe you fancy me, Y/N,” he said again.

“Obviously,” you said with a wink, then kissed him again with all the love in your heart.


	2. Fate Was Wrong

It started with a bang.

Not literally, but you did see stars. You were sprinting to get to your common room by curfew, and you were pretty sure you were not going to make it. You turned a corner and slammed into a broad chest head first, bounced off and wound up on your backside.

A prefect. Awesome, a concussion and detention. And a sore bum. Plus you were going to fail your DADA exam.

“Are you all right?” Remus Lupin, prefect extraordinaire, asked. “Is anything hurt?”

“My dignity…my pride…my bum a bit. But I’ll survive,” you said with a laugh, accepting his hand to stand up.

“Trying to get back to your common room before curfew, hmm?”

“Yeah. Reckon you have to give me a detention, yeah? Can’t say you didn’t see me and ignore this little incident,” you said with a laugh, brushing your backside off.

“Oh, I s’pose I could look the other way just this once,” he said with a grin. “Since your…dignity…already hurts. No need to add insult to injury.”

“Thanks,” you said with a shy grin.

“Off you go,” he said softly, smiling back. “And watch where you’re going! Wouldn’t want that pretty…dignity…to sustain permanent damage.”

“Wait, did you just–?”

“Off you go, sweetheart,” he said with a wink.

* * *

You developed a bit of a crush on Remus after that. You often found yourself daydreaming about him, and caught yourself staring at him a few times in classes you shared.

He’d shocked you with the flirty comment. You would expect such a thing from his best friend Sirius, but not Remus Lupin. Perhaps there was more to him than his sterling reputation would indicate?

Not that it mattered. You had smiled at each other a few times in passing, but had not spoken to you since. It seemed that you would have to take things into your own hands. You vowed to speak to him the next time you saw him without his friends.

* * *

Remus was never without his friends. Merlin, talk about thick as thieves! Those four made Robin Hood and his Merry Men seem like mere acquaintances.

As luck would have it, you saw him again one night when you were returning to your common room from the library. “Hello, Remus!” you called, smiling broadly.

“Oh, hello, Y/N,” he said, looking around almost nervously. “Where are you off to?”

“Headed back to my common room.”

“Oh, uh huh. Well, I won’t keep you,” he said with a strained smile.

“Yeah, alright,” you said, frowning in disappointment. “See ya.”

You walked away, feelings hurt. He was just standing there all alone and he couldn’t get rid of you quickly enough. Apparently he hadn’t been flirting after all.

* * *

“Shit,” Remus hissed, watching you walk away.

“Aw, whatsa matter, Moony?” Sirius’ disembodied voice whispered.

“Poor Moony. So unlucky in love,” James added quietly.

“Maybe I should have walked with her like I wanted to and left you two idiots to your stupid prank,” he muttered angrily, glancing over his shoulder and seeing you had turned a corner.

“Nah, you love us. You can talk to her any time,” Sirius said, completely assured in Remus’ loyalty.

“Clearly I can’t,” Remus bit back. “Now quit yammering, Filch should be coming soon and if you want me to distract him you better be quiet.”

* * *

You were actively mortified. Remus couldn’t get rid of you quickly enough. You knew your cheeks were burning so you diverted away from your common room for a few minutes to cool off and calm down.

Merlin! How utterly embarrassing. The way he had looked around, almost as if he was afraid someone might see him talking to you. You knew you weren’t the prettiest girl at school, but you didn’t realize you were that off-putting.

Well, nothing for it but to stiffen your spine and soldier through. You had thought your first real meeting was Fate, but apparently you were wrong.

* * *

Remus tried to catch up to you all day the next day, but you were quite overtly avoiding him. You had ducked into the loo three times when he approached you, so either you drank a lot of tea or you were dodging him.

He had tried to talk to you after class twice and you had bolted as soon as the professor dismissed. So, the third class that you shared, Remus hurried and had his bag packed and got out of the classroom before you, basically planning to ambush you when you left the room.

Which you suspected, so you offered to help Professor Slughorn clean up and then walked out of the classroom with him, asking him his opinion on variations on potions. Acting like it was the most interesting topic in the world, you used Slughorn as a shield to walk past Remus without having to interact with him. You walked all the way to the Great Hall with him and sat down for dinner, proud at having gotten around Remus. Surely he would give up after such a blatant demonstration of evasive tactics.

You were finishing up your dinner and felt a tap on your shoulder. Really?

You turned around slowly to find Remus standing uncomfortably behind you.

“Y/N, may I please speak with you for a moment?”

You looked at him for a moment, but he seemed genuine in his desire to talk with you.

“Go ahead, speak.”

Remus scratched the back of his neck and looked at your friends who were looking at him curiously. “Would - would you mind if we spoke privately?”

You looked at your friends and sighed, then said, “Yeah, alright,” and picked up your bag before following Remus out into the hall.

After walking off a ways to a quiet alcove, Remus turned to you and said, “I am so sorry I was rude last night.”

“Were you? No big deal. Was that all?”

“No, I-I wanted to explain,” he said nervously. “The truth is, I’ve been wanting to talk to you since we ran into each other, but one or the other of us was always in a group and I didn’t…I mean, I just wanted to talk to you without an audience, and then it was so long after we met that it felt like I waited too long so I went gutless.”

“Alright, that explains why you didn’t talk to me.”

“Right. Then last night when you came up to me, I was happy to see you, honestly, but you see…” he hesitated.

“Yes?” you said impatiently.

He looked around to make sure no one was about and blurted, “My friends and I were setting up a prank and I couldn’t talk to you because I was there to be lookout and divert Filch if he came ‘round.”

Your eyes got wide before a grin appeared. “Remus Lupin, renowned Goody Two Shoes, was setting a prank? Never say so!”

“Hush, you! I’m not a Goody Two Shoes! I get up to plenty of trouble,” he grumbled.

“Alright, so you wanted to talk to me and couldn’t catch me away from a crowd, and last night you couldn’t because you were mid-prank.”

“Right.”

“So…what did you want to talk to me about?” you said with a smile.

“I was just wondering if you’d like to maybe get to know each other better?” asked, smiling back.

“Yeah, that sounds good,” you said, to Remus’ obvious relief. “So, Saturday is Hogsmeade, wanna go together?”

And the smile ran away from his face. Friday was the full moon, Saturday he would be exhausted or worse. “I would love to, but I can’t, I’m sorry.”

“Oh. Um…are you going with someone else?”

“No, no. I just…I’m going to be busy.”

“Right,” you said with a smile that didn’t reach your eyes. “Well, that’s clear as can be. I need to go do homework. See ya.”

“Can I walk you?” he asked hopefully.

“No, thank you. Wouldn’t want anyone to see us together, now would we?”

Remus watched you walk away with hurt feelings yet again. And yet again, he felt like a heel.

* * *

Remus walked into the common room and threw himself onto the sofa next to Sirius, knocking the homework he was miraculously doing off his lap.

“Steady on!” he exclaimed. “What’s got your knickers in a bunch?”

Remus sighed and said, “I talked to Y/N.”

“And? I’m sensing it didn’t go well.”

“It did until she asked me to Hogsmeade this Saturday.”

“That’s great!” he said, and then at Remus’ general dejected mood remembered. “Ohhhh and Friday is…”

“Yeah.”

“So what did you tell her?”

“I didn’t expect it, I just told her I couldn’t go because I would be busy,” he said, obviously frustrated.

“So she wasn’t pleased?”

“Not even a little.”

“Sorry, Moony. Seems like Fate has it in for you two.”

“Yeah, looks like.”

* * *

Merlin, why had he bothered to talk to you if he was just going to reject you again? You hadn’t known he was one to play games, but you had certainly learned your lesson.

You went to your dorm to study in peace. You didn’t know why you even bothered with the opposite sex. Boys were nothing but trouble and you’d not soon forget it.

Your dorm mates arrived and asked a bunch of questions about where you went off to with Lupin. You told them truthfully and perhaps a bit scathingly that there was absolutely nothing to tell.

* * *

You were in your favorite alone spot. You went there when you were troubled or angry or overwhelmed with life. And truthfully, you were a bit of all three right now.

It had been weeks since your ill-fated run-ins with Remus, yet you couldn’t get him out of your head. It didn’t help that he was in nearly all of your classes and you saw him numerous times daily.

He had smiled at you hopefully a few times, and you were beyond curious as to why he was so battered and bruised after the Hogsmeade weekend that he had been “busy.” Busy doing what, prize fighting? Moonlighting as a bludger?

And why on Earth should you care? You barely knew him and he had been a bit of a wanker every time you met him since the first time. Perhaps he was a womanizer like his buddy Black, just not as accomplished. Next to a dog like Black, you guessed Lupin looked like a pup. Puppy teeth were sharp, though, and their bites could draw blood.

* * *

Remus was in his dorm room, staring at the Marauder’s Map. Sirius came over and plopped down next to him on his bed.

“Map stalking Y/N again? You do know how to have a good time, Moony.”

“I really like her, Padfoot,” he said dejectedly. “I always thought she was fit but I know her a little and see how she is in classes and with her friends and I want to get to know her better.”

“So. Go talk to her.”

“She runs in the opposite direction.”

“She seems settled now. Go. C'mon, we’ll go see if the house elves will pack you a snack.”

Remus looked nervous but agreed and headed down to the kitchen to sweet talk to elves into packing him a peace offering.

* * *

You were still in your little cubby of solitude when you heard footsteps approach. You looked in the direction of the sound, not even a little surprised to see Remus.

“Hello, Y/N,” he said quietly.

“Remus,” you said briskly.

“I brought some snacks. I thought maybe we could get to know each other a bit. That alright?” he said, his tone hopeful.

“I guess it is pretty out of the way here. Nobody would see you associating with me, right?”

Remus sighed heavily and said, “I am so sorry you got the impression that I didn’t want to be seen with you. That was never my intention, I promise. I think you’re lovely and I would be proud to go anywhere with you on my arm. You’re beautiful and smart and your laugh is like music. So even if you don’t want to get to know me anymore, please believe that I think you’re amazing and I would love to spend time with you, public or private.”

You smiled and said, “Really?”

“Really,” Remus said with a soft smile. “Now, mademoiselle, can I interest you in some hors d'oeuvres? And perhaps a walk afterwards?”

You nodded and said, “Yeah, sounds good.”

Remus beamed and pulled out various cookies and crackers and cheese and cakes and sandwiches and bottles of butterbeer. There was even a blanket that they spread out and had an impromptu indoor picnic.

You eyed up the different delicacies that the house elves had sent. Choosing a delicious looking canape, you giggled and said, “The house elves certainly must like you.”

And he replied, “Well, we actually have Sirius to thank for this delightful repast. He went with me to the kitchen and sweet talked them.”

“Well I’ll have to send him my complim–” and you started coughing and gasping, unable to catch your breath. “Can’t <gasp> breathe!”

Remus picked you up and started running to the hospital wing. He had never navigated moving staircases so quickly, but your color was changing and he was terrified.

When he arrived, out of breath and panting, Madame Pomfrey saw immediately that this was an emergency and set to work on you right away.

“What happened, Remus?”

“We we’re having a snack and she just choked up! I don’t know!”

“What was she eating?”

“Some little tiny sandwich thing the house elves gave us.”

“Go get it. Bring anything that she ate or was near what she ate.”

Remus sprinted the whole way there and back again, showing exactly what she’d eaten.

“Y/N, have you any food allergies?”

You nodded yes.

Madame Pomfrey listed the ingredients she could recognize and when she reached one that made you nod again, she knew exactly what to do.

You felt better immediately, but she still wanted to keep you there for observation.

“May I stay?” Remus asked, directing the question at both of you.

“I’d like the company,” you said in a hoarse voice.

“Well, you can stay til she gets tired.”

“Thanks,” he said with a smile.

Madame Pomfrey gave you each a look that said, no shenanigans! and left you alone.

“You scared me almost to death, Y/N.”

“Yeah,” you said with a raspy laugh. “I think Fate has been trying to tell us to stay away from each other. What do you think?”

Remus sat down and took your hand and kissed the back of it gallantly. “I think Fate was wrong. I think we are meant to be.”

“Oh really?” you said with a teasing lilt to your voice. “Well, I guess if Fate tried so hard to keep us apart and you still want to give this a try, who am I to say no? I’m in if you are.”

“We should probably do something to demonstrate to Fate that we’re not backing down. What do you think?” he asked with a mischievous grin.

“I think we should prove our resolve like they did in the fairy tales. Kiss me, my Prince!”

Remus smiled and then leaned forward and kissed you. It was somewhere between gentle and filled with months of longing. And it was amazing.

“Yes,” you said when you came back to yourself. “I think we can safely say with great confidence that Fate was wrong.”

“I agree,” Remus said, kissing you again until they heard a throat being cleared by Madame Pomfrey. “To be continued?”

“Definitely,” you said in a dreamy voice. “Absolutely.”


	3. Bait and Beard

You were sitting at a table in a Muggle pub having a few drinks with your girls. Really, you were all members of the Order of the Phoenix and you were undercover because you had gotten word that an upper level Death Eater whose job it was to initiate new recruits would be ‘Muggle Hunting’ in this neighborhood.

One of their favorite methods appeared to be following a drunk out of a pub and dragging them into an alley and offing them, quick and quiet. Another technique was plying someone with liquor and asking them to spend the night, then alley, death.

Essentially you, Lily and Marlene we’re dangling yourselves like bait, pretending to be drunk when you arrived and ordering lots of drinks, slyly magicking away part of each drink so you didn’t get as sozzled as you would look. James was already there with Peter and Sirius would be there soon, so you had good backup.

After you slammed back a round of shots, you said, “C’mon ladies, let’s go make drunken spectacles of ourselves.”

The three of you made your way to the dance floor, clothes a bit tighter and shorter than usual to make it look like you were on the pull. You went to the dance floor and moved like you were feeling no pain.

A few minutes later, the three of you allowed yourselves to be swept away in the tide of bodies, separated accidentally-on-purpose to make yourselves easy targets.

You felt foolish dancing by yourself, hands in the air and looking as plastered as possible while staying upright. You couldn’t help a flinch when you felt hands on your hips and someone grinding against your ass. As you looked over your shoulder, you felt a beard rubbing against your neck and only saw a mass of sandy curls for a moment as the hands moved up to your bare midriff to pull you more firmly against him.

You pressed your bum back, feeling more than hearing the groan that the movement produced. You snaked your arm up to tangle your fingers in the tousled curls and pulled his face up and kissed him, tongues immediately sparring. It was messy and carnal, hot and wet.

You turned into his arms, his hands immediately going to your ass, and you could feel his hardening cock against your stomach, dragging a guttural moan from your lips. You pulled away from the kiss and rubbed your hand over his beard. “This is…new.”

“Don’t like it?”

“I haven’t decided. But I’m not so sure my husband would approve of a strange bearded man groping me on a dance floor.”

“I was at your wedding, I’m sure he’d approve,” he said as he began to nibble on your neck again.

“So you came to my wedding. Am I going to run into you everywhere now?” you asked your husband of just over a year, a big grin on your face.

“And I thought you’d be so happy to see me. I wanted to see you so much I didn’t even go home to shower and shave after I gave my report, just left straightaway with Padfoot,” Remus said with an impressive pout.

“Oh, I’m happy to see you, my love,” you said, pressing yourself against him and kissing him again. “Three weeks is too long to be apart. Take me home and ravish me.”

“Merlin, yes,” he groaned, kissing you once more before leading you off the dance floor.

You caught Lily’s eye and she gave you a thumbs up to let you know you should head home with your husband. Sirius shot you a wink to let you know he wouldn’t expect to see you at headquarters for a few days as Remus led you out of the pub so you could go home and ‘catch up.’


	4. The Primrose Path

“Let me get this straight,” Remus said, pinching the bridge of his nose against the headache that was blooming behind his eyes. “You decided that it would be fun to play hide and seek in the Forbidden Forest with my girlfriend.”

Peter quailed before Remus. Everyone thought that Remus was the most laid-back member of their friend group, and for the most part he was – until he wasn’t. He had a fierce temper even without the affect of the moon cycle on his emotions. Right now he was less than thrilled to hear that his three best friends were leading his girlfriend down the primrose path and had, in fact, lost her along the way.

“Did it never occurred to you to perhaps say, ‘That’s a bad idea, it could be dangerous!’ or something of the sort?” Remus growled.

Peter flinched and said, “Moony, you know how the three of them are when they get an idea.

“Show me,” he sighed.

It would do him no good to loose his wrath on Peter. He was a follower. He imagined it was one of the idiot twins who came up with this idea and you happily joined in the fun. You didn’t have a cautious bone in your body.

* * *

Peter and Remus went out behind Hagrid’s cabin and entered the woods. At least it was a familiar part of the Forest. “How long has she been missing?”

Peter looked at his watch and said, “Almost two hours.”

“Bugger,” Remus hissed. You had been restless and didn’t feel like studying, but Remus had been in a groove and hadn’t wanted to stop so you went to find Padfoot and Prongs. How had that not been a red flag for him?

Remus cast his patronus and sent it to find Sirius or James and see if they had found you. Peter said they had tried finding her with their Patronuses. That was when Remus’ anger had turned to fear. He hoped that his would have more success since it would be sensing its mate.

When they converged and Sirius and James changed back into their human forms, they started apologizing. Remus held up his hand to stop the tide of anxious words. “Just…stop. We’ll talk about it after we find her.”

Remus sent his patronus out and Sirius changed and tried to pick up your scent. When his patronus tore off into the brush, Remus ran as fast as he could to chase it, catching up to it, panting for breath.

It was looking at the ground, pacing back and forth. Remus cautiously approached and saw that there was a hole in the ground. He crawled over to the edge and looked in and saw a flash if the top you had been wearing earlier, but he had no idea if you were well.

“Y/N?” he called, only to receive silence as an answer.

He swore, then sent his patronus to find his friends.

“Y/N!” he yelled louder. “I’m going to get you out of there, love! And then I’m going to cast Immobilus on you so that you can never leave my sight again.”

Still nothing. Remus was beginning to panic. “No, Remus, no panicking until Y/N is safe. Then you can panic and beat James and Sirius bloody.”

“I have aged twenty bloody years since I fell in love with you, Y/N Y/M/N Y/L/N!”

“Oh, and I suppose it’s my fault,” Remus was pleased to hear your voice, frail though it was.

Remus peered down into the hole.“Merlin, love, I have never been so happy to hear your sass.”

You laughed weakly, then groaned.

“Tell me where it hurts, Y/N,” he called down gently.

“Are you gonna come kiss it better?”

“Merlin, love, let’s get you out of the hole before you start seducing me, shall we?”

“Some guys have all the luck and don’t appreciate it, eh, Prongs?” Sirius said as he arrived at the hole. “You gave us a proper fright, Y/N.”

“Alright, sweetheart, I’m going to drop down in there to you.”

“What’s hurt?” James added.

“I think my leg is broken and I was knocked out for a bit.”

* * *

The four boys were able to bind your wounds well enough to get you to Madame Pomfrey, who set your broken leg, gave you a potion to mend the bone and a potion to make you sleep.

“May I please speak to Remus for a moment before I take the sleeping potion, Madame?” you asked politely.

“I suppose so, but be quick about it,” she said sternly, but she had a soft spot for Remus that had extended to you when you started dating him.

“Love, I’m sorry I worried you so. I shouldn’t have suggested the game,” you said contritely.

“Well as long as – Wait a minute, that was _your_ idea?” he said rather loudly.

“Oh my, I’m not feeling well at all,” you said. “I feel like I should take my potion now.”

Remus took a deep breath. “Sorry I yelled, darling. I just – I love you, and if anything ever happened to you, I don’t know if I could go on.”

“I truly am sorry, love. I will be more careful. I love you, too. And I’m going to make it up to you, I promise.”

“Just be more careful and I’ll be happy.”

“Oh, alright. I was going to do that thing with my tongue, but –”

Remus kissed you quiet before you scandalized Madame Pomfrey, then made you take your potion and stroked your hair as you fell asleep. At times you drove him to the outer edges of his sanity, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.

“Sleep, my love,” he whispered with a smile. “I need the rest.”


	5. Prank, Interrupted

“Look, I don’t care what you think you saw. I don’t care if it was Dumbledore in drag promenading with the Minister of Magic in lingerie. I’m not going in there," you overheard a particularly snobbish student saying. His voice was so familiar… “You won’t get me in there just to follow a Gryffindor. Piss off!”

“I’m fairly certain Potter and Black were in the group,” you heard the second voice say.

“Really?” Apparently that piqued Snobby’s interest. “Well then. Even Dumbledore can’t ignore his little pets roaming about the Forbidden Forest.”

“What d’you mean?”

“I mean, I’m not going to follow them. You’re going to inform their head of House and the Headmaster that you saw them go into the Forest and you fear for their lives.”

“Don’t you want to make sure first?” the second voice said uncertainly.

“As long as you’re sure they were Gryffindors, that’s all that matters.”

* * *

You came out from behind the rock you were reading against, cursing the idiot self-styled Marauders for being such troublemakers, and for making trouble particularly within your hearing. Despite them being mischievous twits, they were your housemates and you didn’t want them getting caught and losing points for Gryffindor.

You placed the snobby voice as Severus Snape, and no way would he let it go. His grudge against the Marauders ran too deep, especially since last year he had been humiliated by them and lost his childhood friend Lily Evans, with whom anyone with eyes could see he was madly in love.

You dug your toe into the dirt while you decided what to do. The only solution you could think of was to try and find them before the Slytherins found an authority figure and brought them to the forest.

You set off into the forest in the direction from where Snape and the second voice emerged, hoping you could find the troublemakers before trouble found them – and you along with them.

* * *

“Black? Potter? Lupin, though I hope you have the good sense not to be out here in broad daylight,” you called out. “Pettigrew? Snape and some little toady saw you out here and he’s gone to get someone to catch you!”

Nothing.

“Blast it, you halfwits,” you called louder. “The Forbidden Forest is forbidden for a reason! Quit bloody losing house points!”

“Wait, Y/N, stop!” you heard, but your forward momentum carried you into what appeared to be a rather elaborate prank and you very suddenly found yourself hanging upside down, robes fallen to your underarms and your knickers on display for all.

You frantically pushed your robes up but hanging upside down as you were, you couldn’t do much and there was just something about being upside down and nearly naked that made you not think clearly about how to use magic to reverse the spell that had landed you in this predicament.

“Y/N, it’s Remus. I am so sorry, you were obviously not supposed to be caught in this. I’m right underneath you, I’m going to reverse the spell and I will catch you, alright?”

“Just. Get. Me. Down,” you gritted out, angry and humiliated.

You heard Remus cast the counter-spell and felt yourself drop slowly, landing in his arms and being placed gently back on the ground.

You quickly set about righting your robes, embarrassment making your movements jerky.

“I’m so sorry, Y/N,” Remus said again.

“If you set out to humiliate someone, I’d say you’ve reached your aim,” you said angrily. “I thought you were different, Lupin. I hope it was worth it.”

“Y/L/N, wait,” you heard Black say.

“Get stuffed, Black. Where’s your better half, Potter?”

“Ah…he was the one who was with Snape,” Remus admitted sheepishly.

“Polyjuice. So I came in here and was put on display – naked – for nothing? He was never gonna report you,” you said with disgust. “Bloody perfect.” With that, you turned and walked back the way you came, at least knowing that the path you had taken in was safe.

* * *

“Sorry, mate,” Sirius said quietly. “I never would have done it if I had thought this could happen.”

Remus tried not to look devastated but he obviously was; he had been crazy about you for a few years but had never had the courage to do more than talk to you about class work. “It’s alright, Padfoot. Nothing was ever going to happen anyway,” he answered quietly.

* * *

“Y/L/N!”

You heard Black calling you and sped up. You didn’t want to hear anything he had to say. You had managed to avoid all of them since ‘the incident’ of the afternoon before.

“Y/N, wait!”

Sirius muttered a curse under his breath. Trust Moony to like a stubborn mule of a bird. He caught up with you and gently grabbed your elbow which you yanked from his hold with a snarl.

“What. Do you want?” you bit out quietly.

“Look, I just wanted to explain –”

“Mr. Black, I feel I have a fairly decent grasp of what happened. You were playing one of your endless and endlessly tedious pranks and I stupidly came within a mile of you.”

“Just…please listen for a moment?” he pleaded.

“What? Come to compliment my knickers?”

“Oh! Should I? They were quite lovely.”

“Merlin, Morgana and Godric! How are you ranked higher than me in our year? Having a conversation with you one can only conclude that all the inbreeding in Purebloods had rendered you an idiot suitable for any number of European thrones,” you spat.

“Fuck’s sake, Y/N, can you just leave off the insults and listen for a second?” Sirius asked in exasperation. “Look, Remus didn’t want us to pull that prank. He tried to stop us because we are, and I quote, 'utterly irredeemably stupid.’”

“We seem to agree on that,” you muttered.

“He would never do anything to hurt you, Y/N.”

Something in the way Sirius said that caught your attention. “Anyone or me specifically?” you asked quietly.

“Both,” he said. “Remus is too kind to ever hurt anyone, even if they deserve it.”

“Oh, and what did Snape do to deserve that?”

“You mean besides being friends with the monsters who attacked Mary MacDonald and calling Lily a Mudblood?”

You sighed. You should have realized. “I reckon he did, at that.”

“What?” Sirius said in amazement.

“The lot of them are cruel and opportunistic monsters. They should be in Azkaban for what they did to Mary,” you said vehemently.

“Well. So,” Sirius responded. “So you’ll forgive Moony?”

“Yeah. I ah…I will, yeah,” you said.

“You’re alright, Y/L/N. I really am sorry you got caught and…all,” Sirius said shamefacedly.

You shrugged. “I reckon my knickers cover as much as a swimsuit, really.”

“Damn shame, that,” Sirius said, looking at you in a whole different light.

“Ugh. Piss off, Black,” you said, rolling your eyes.

* * *

Later that same evening you were tucked in a corner of the common room reading when Remus approached you. You didn’t realize it was him immediately as you were wrapped up in the fantastic tale of _The Princess Bride_.

“What are you reading, Y/N?” Remus asked quietly.

“Oh, Remus, hello. It’s a very silly book and I’m quite enjoying it,” you said, marking your place and handing it to him to look over. “Have a seat.”

“Looks smashing,” he said with a smile.

“Would you like to borrow it when I’m done?”

“That’d be great, though in truth I wondered if you’d even want to speak to me, let alone loan me a book,” he said sheepishly, rubbing the back of his neck and looking down.

“Sirius explained the noble purpose behind…the incident.”

“He said he spoke to you. I was gobsmacked that you didn’t box his ears, honestly.”

You chuckled. “I considered it.”

“Would you consider,” he hesitated briefly here then said all in a rush, “would you consider going with me some time?”

You smiled. “I’d like that very much.”

Remus grinned happily. “Would you like to go for a stroll? We’ve a bit of time before curfew.”

“Sounds great.”

Remus stood and held out his arm gallantly. “My lady.”

“Oh, thank you, kind sir.”

You linked arms and walked out the portrait hole together while his three best friends watched from across the common room.

“Our little boy is growing up, Prongs,” Sirius said proudly, sniffling and wiping a pretend tear from his cheek.

“We knew it would happen one day,” James replied. “Hopefully he’ll remember his old parents waiting for him at home.”

“You are both complete twits,” Lily commented from a seat nearby.

“Yes we are, Evans,” Sirius replied. “And we can proudly state that our stupidity brought those two love birds together.”

“May they live happily ever after,” James toasted, which Sirius and Peter echoed, loudly clanking their teacups together.


	6. Happy Accident

You let out a loud yawn after an evening in the library. You were strolling and reading, heading back to your common room from the library. You had perfected the art of reading while walking before you had even started at Hogwarts. Your parents had called you a hopeless bookworm and tried to send you out to play or for walks, but you usually managed to smuggle a book along on a forced march, reading and walking, walking and reading. You weren’t foolish enough to do so near the moving staircases at Hogwarts, but the corridors when near curfew were usually empty and safe enough for divided attention.

Usually.

Unfortunately, that was not the case that night. You wandered along into you felt yourself being held in place; struggling was of no use. Then, to your horror, several snakes was slithered toward you, paralyzing you in fear as they moved inexorably closer while you were held immobile, both by the trap and your terror. You screamed in horror.

* * *

Sirius, James, Peter and Remus were waiting around the corner from where you were, planning to sneak away after they heard their victim’s screams. They had recently found out that while Slytherin was the House of snakes, Snape was actually quite frightened of them.

So they set up the trap to alert them they had a victim, hold him and then another spell to release the snakes that James had Transfigured of rope.

The scream that they had all been waiting for came, and three of the boys laughed delightedly.

“Merlin, old Snivellus screams like a girl,” James hooted with glee.

Remus, however, was the first to come to the awful conclusion: “That is a girl! We didn’t catch Snivellus!”

James covered his head with his invisibility cloak and went to look. “Bloody hell, it’s Y/N!” he hissed.

“What?” Remus nearly screamed. He had been harboring an infatuation for you for ages. He had never been able to work up the nerve to speak to you, but this was definitely not the ice breaker he was hoping for! “No no no no no!”

He sprinted around the corner, casting and waving his wand to dispell the motion trap and transfigure the snakes back into rope.

You had passed out from fear, though, so you witnessed none of Remus’ heroic rescue. He caught you as the trap released its hold and carried you bridal style to the hospital wing. You weren’t waking up so he went as quickly as possible while trying to jostle you as little as possible.

You made a little face like you were scared and Remus said softly, “Don’t worry, love, I’m taking you to Madame Pomfrey, she’ll have you right as rain in no time, promise!”

“No, snakes, no,” you moaned in your unnatural sleep.

“No, darling, there were no snakes. Just a piece of rope, it’s as harmless as a flobberworm!”

You cracked your eyes open. “Remus, are you going to turn into a flobberworm and kiss me?”

Remus chuckled. “No, dear, I’m taking you to Madame Pomfrey.”

Just then you cleared the doorway to the hospital and Madame Pomfrey takes to see Remus carrying you. “What’s happened here, Remus?”

“She had a bit of a faint, sorry to say.”

“Lie her down,” she said, gesturing to a cot. “Then off you go.”

“But I want to –”

“Go, Remus. It’s almost curfew.”

Remus sighed. “Yes, Madame.”

* * *

Remus returned to the hospital wing before dawn the next morning. He’d barely slept and left his dorm early bearing chocolate from his stash and a small bouquet of flowers he sneaked on a raid to Professor Sprout’s greenhouse. He also brought with him your satchel and the book you had been reading.

Madame Pomfrey was already up and bustling about the hospital. “I expected you before now, Remus,” she said with a warm smile. “Y/N is up, you can go see her.”

“Thank you, Madame.”

Madame Pomfrey watched Remus walk away, pausing after a few steps to take a deep breath, probably to calm himself. She smiled, happy to see Remus doing something so normal as bringing flowers to a girl he liked.

* * *

You were lying in bed staring at the walls, counting the stones and utterly bored. You couldn’t remember the last time you had been stuck without something to read – this was intolerable!

“Hi.”

You turned quickly to the source of the somewhat hoarse voice. “Remus! Hello. What are you doing here?”

“Ah, y'don’t remember?” he asked awkwardly.

“Wait…was I not dreaming?”

“Unfortunately not.”

“Oh,” you said a bit vaguely, as if you were trying to put together a mental puzzle but the pieces were just beyond your reach.

“Do you often dream of me turning into a flobberworm and kissing you?” he joked.

“Not the flobberworm bit, no,” you answered, still a bit distracted by trying to grasp a memory.

“Oh,” it was Remus’ turn to reply, though he said it in surprise.

His exclamation caught your attention and you realized what you said. “I mean…I don’t dream of you every night,” you said, trying to make it seem less pathetic and realizing that you were just digging yourself in deeper. “I’m sorry, I don’t have any illusions that someone like you could ever be interested in someone like me! I didn’t think that at all, I promise!”

“I –” Remus began, but you interrupted him.

“You’re popular and handsome and smart and a Prefect, so I know you’re only here because you feel bad for me and that’s very kind of you, but you don’t need to be bothered.”

“I –” he tried again.

You interrupted again. “Of course I don’t mean to sound like I don’t appreciate it. I just mean that you must have better things to do.”

“I –” Remus started, not terribly surprised when you interrupted him again.

“Please just forget any of this ever happened, Remus! I am absolutely mortified!” you cried dramatically, lying down flat and pulling the blankets over your head.

Remus waited a moment to see if you would reemerge, taking a break to review all that you had said. If only he had known how you felt! He had wasted so much time trying to work up the nerve to talk to you and you had apparently returned his feelings all along.

“Y/N?”

“What?” you said from beneath your blankets.

“Are you ever coming out?”

“No. I live here now.”

“I’d like it very much if you would come out,” he tried again.

“Why?”

“Because I brought your book bag.”

“Leave it on the foot of the bed.”

“I brought you flowers and chocolate,” he tried.

You popped your head out, your hair adorably mussed. “You did?” you asked, completely astonished. “Why?”

“Well, a few reasons come to mind. May I sit?”

“Of course,” you asked, now curious enough to overcome your earlier embarrassment.

Remus handed you the flowers and chocolate bar, then pulled a chair over and sat down.

“Thank you,” you whispered, breathing in the heady scent of the flowers. “I’ve never gotten flowers before. Thank you.”

“Well, it was my friends’ and my prank that you stumbled into.”

“Oh,” you said sadly.

“What was that, ‘oh?’”

“You feel guilty. Never fear, now that I know that it was just a prank it’s fine. Thank you for the flowers, they’re lovely,” you said, feeling weepy and trying to remain cheerful in the face of pity from the boy you had adored from afar for ages.

“I’m glad you like them. If I hadn’t been such a coward, I would have given them to you ages ago when I took you on our first date,” Remus said a bit shyly.

“Date?” you parroted, hope rising in your heart.

“Yes,” he said, reaching for your hand. “I’m so sorry you got caught up in our shenanigans and were frightened so horribly, but I have been mad about you for just ages, so if it brought us together…” he shrugged and left his sentence unfinished, looking down at how perfect your hands looked together.

“If it brought us together,” you repeated, then went on to say “then it was positively the most brilliant prank in the history of all pranks!”

Remus looked up and smiled brightly. “Really?”

You nodded vigorously. “Really!”

He kissed the back of your hand and grinned. “Will you do me the honor of accompanying me to Hogsmeade this weekend?” he asked gallantly.

“It would be my pleasure, Remus,” you said softly.

“I promise not to turn into a flobberworm,” he said happily. “However, I make no such promise that I won’t try to kiss you.”

“Merlin, I think I’d want to kiss you even if you did!”

Remus laughed in joy, loving how honestly you spoke. “I hope we never have to test that, but thank you darling.”

Madame Pomfrey appeared then and pronounced you ready to go back to your House. Remus said he would wait outside and walk you back, so you hurried to get dressed and met him in the hall.

He took your book bag to carry and you chatted as you made your way back to Gryffindor Tower. After a little while your fingers brushed against each other’s and you wound up holding hands the rest of the way back.

You were practically floating by the time you made plans to meet in half an hour to go to breakfast together. You showered quickly and got ready, then flew down to the common room to meet Remus.

“Hello again,” he said when you scampered over to him.

“Hi,” you said, a bit shyly.

“Morning, Y/N,” the other boys chorused.

“Hello,” you replied, smiling.

“We’re awfully sorry about last night,” James said, genuine remorse obvious.

You looked at Remus with stars in your eyes and your heart on your sleeve. “It’s alright,” you replied. “Something wonderful came of it. I think of it as a happy accident.”

Remus took your hand and brought it to his lips. “I agree wholeheartedly,” he said quietly, a promise of many happy tomorrows in his smile.


	7. Hopeless

“Missed you so much!” you cried as you essentially tackled Remus at the door with hugs and cheek kisses.

Remus laughed and said, “This is…new.”

“Oh hush, you. Can’t I tell my very best friend how much I missed him? You were gone for 834 years!” you said dramatically.

“Three weeks, actually,” he said with a chuckle as you pulled him into your flat.

“Seemed longer. I hate when you’re gone,” you said as you pulled him over to the sofa and sat down next to him. You had always been extremely demonstrative with Remus, cuddling with him since you had been together in school where you were practically joined at the hip.

“I do, too. Not even sure if I’m making a difference,” he sighed. “Dumbledore says I am, but I can’t see it.”

You were the only one that knew about Dumbledore sending Remus among the werewolves to spy. In doing so, Remus often came into contact with the very werewolf who had bitten him and the specter from his nightmares.

“So he’s sending you back?” you said, biting your lower lip.

Remus’ eyes dipped down to look at your lips but returned to your eyes so quickly you doubted that it happened.

Remus cleared his throat. “Yeah, he’s sending me back.”

You leaned your head on his shoulder and sighed against his neck. “I hate you going there alone,” you whispered.

Remus cleared his throat again and said, “Something smells great!”

You lifted your head from his shoulder, suddenly feeling uncomfortable as you never had with Remus before. You scooted away, though being farther than touching distance from Remus was almost antithetical to your preferred natural state of being.

“I made your favorite,” you said cheerfully.

“Thank you, Y/N,” he said quietly.

“Course,” you said brightly. “Come help me finish up so we can eat.”

Remus followed you into the kitchen, watching the gentle sway of your hips as you led the way. He had been crazy about you since about third year of school but had refused to attempt to be with you because of his affliction. It wouldn’t be fair to you; he refused to drag you down if his werewolf status ever became known.

But Merlin, he loved you.

* * *

“I am so full. Everything was absolutely delicious.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it,” you said with a smile.

Remus studied you for a moment. “Is everything alright? You seem a bit distracted.”

“I just really worry about you when you’re gone,” you said quietly, but not quite meeting his eyes. “Ready for pudding?”

“Could we wait a little while? Let dinner settle a bit?”

“Course! Wine? Firewhiskey?”

“Wine would be lovely,” he said, tilting his head slightly. “You sure you’re alright?”

“Course! Why d’you keep asking?”

“You seem distracted, different. You’d tell me if you weren’t alright, wouldn’t you?”

“Bloody – No, Remus, I am not alright. I haven’t been alright for years, but I am quite the expert at pretending usually, so please excuse me for having an off night,” you snapped at him, then turned to go to the kitchen to put the dirty dishes in the sink and get wine.

Remus stood and followed you into your tiny kitchen. “What do you mean, you haven’t been alright for years? What are you talking about?”

You set the dishes on the counter and laughed bitterly. “Remus John Lupin, for a genius, you’re really quite dense,” you said, turning to face him.

“What do you mean?” he asked, genuinely confused.

You closed the distance between you and slid your hands up his chest and around his neck, one hand continuing up to run through his hair. Then you stood on tiptoes, pressing your body to his and kissed him. You poured years of love and longing into the kiss and Remus returned it hungrily, placing a hand on your hips to pull you even closer and the other on your cheek to turn your face so that he could deepen the kiss.

You were both moaning messes in seconds, panting and babbling nonsense as Remus picked you up and sat you on the counter while you started working on the buttons on his shirt.

As suddenly as it started, Remus pulled away as if a bucket of cold water had been tossed over him. “I have to go,” he growled, then turned around and walked out your door.

* * *

You were still sitting on the counter wondering what just happened when the tears began. You should have known that he didn’t feel the same. He’d had a million opportunities to do something about it if he did. You threw yourself at him and he wouldn’t even take what was offered.

That hurt on every level possible.

You slid down from the counter and cast the spells to clean up and preserve the leftovers, then went to get ready for bed. It was only about eight o’clock, but the only difference it would make would be whether you cried yourself to sleep in bed or on the sofa.

As you spelled the last dish into the cabinet and extinguished the lights, you thought about checking at work to see if you could pick up an extra shift this weekend. You had planned to spend the next two days with Remus but that didn’t appear likely, so you needed something to occupy your mind other than your broken heart and stupidity. You would send an owl off to St. Mungo’s in the morning.

You thought twice and grabbed a bottle of wine and decided to take a bath and get plowed. Then you could focus on your hangover in the morning.

* * *

You had just extinguished the rest of the lights in your tiny apartment, still crying and sniffling. Your sobs had ceased but you didn’t seem to be able to ‘shut off the waterworks’ as your Father had said so frequently when you were a child. You were a cryer. Oh, well.

The tap at your door took you by surprise. You weren’t expecting anyone since Remus was in town. Tomorrow night you were to meet up with friends but tonight was just for the two of you. You went quietly to the door, wand in hand, just as the knocking repeated, slightly louder this time. You checked the peephole and were surprised to see the top of Remus’ head. He had his hands propped on the door frame as he looked down in defeat, perhaps assuming that you wouldn’t answer the door.

You opened it a crack and said, “I didn’t expect you back.”

“I didn’t plan to come back.”

“Change of heart or just of mind?” you asked a bit angrily.

Remus looked up and said, “May I come in?”

You were a really bad combination of hurt, embarrassed, angry and heartbroken. “Might not be a great idea,” you said, looking down.

“Please, love,” he whispered earnestly.

Your eyes popped up to meet his at the endearment. You saw something there that you had never seen before, something that filled your heart with hope. You stepped back so that Remus could come in.

He moved past you nervously, hands in his pockets as if he was restraining himself by keeping them there. He went over and sat on the sofa, upset that when you joined him it was on the chair adjacent to the couch.

You were maintaining your silence. You had taken a chance and shown Remus how you felt and he had rejected you. You couldn’t un-ring that bell, so you had no idea what Remus was going to say.

“Why did you kiss me?” Remus whispered, not meeting your eyes.

You scoffed and said, “Need booze for this conversation.”

You went and got the bottle of wine and two glasses, then sat down on the other end of the sofa and poured two glasses of wine without asking Remus if he wanted any. You took a drink; more of a gulp, really, and then said, “Why do you suppose I kissed you, Mr. Lupin?”

“That’s why I asked. I really don’t know.”

You shrugged. “Felt like it.”

Remus finally looked up, irritation in his eyes. “If you aren’t going to take this seriously –”

“What do you want to hear, Remus?” you interrupted angrily. “I love you. I’ve loved you for years. I hate you being gone for so long and I worry about you and I got carried away with relief that you were here and safe. I’m sorry, alright?”

“I love you too, Y/N,” he whispered. “I shouldn’t, but I do. I tried not to because we can’t be together, but when you kissed me I forgot that.”

You reeled at the rollercoaster emotions his words evoked. “You love me, you shouldn’t, we can’t be together but your dick took over and now what, you’re sorry? You want to forget it?”

“It would be best if we forgot this, yeah,” he agreed.

You chugged the rest of your wine and stood up to pace the brief length of your lounge a few times while Remus watched.

Suddenly you stopped, turned to Remus’ and said, “You are a colossal wanker. Get. Out.”

Remus shot to his feet. “I’m a colossal wanker? For protecting you?”

You looked him in the eye and spoke quietly and clearly. “I never asked for you to protect me. I don’t need you to protect me. I don’t want you to protect me.”

“I have to protect you!” Remus said loudly.

That got you pacing again. “What a load of shite! What are you protecting me from? Myself?”

“I am protecting you from being with a werewolf!”

“Oh for fuck’s sake, Remus! You have used that to keep people away for years. It didn’t work! I’m here and I love you, but I’m not going to wait forever for you to accept me on my terms.”

“Oh so it’s your way or no way at all?” he asked angrily.

“Remus John Lupin, if you didn’t want me to demand more from you, then you shouldn’t have said you love me. You don’t get to change everything and then expect to go back to the way things were. It doesn’t work that way. I don’t work that way!”

“You changed everything when you bloody kissed me! I was fine pretending that we were just friends and you could never want to be with someone like me!”

“Well, I guess I was tired of pretending there was hope for a future with someone like you,” you said scathingly. “Really, Remus, you need to leave. I just…I just can’t. Go, please.”

You watched him turn around and leave, utterly hopeless.

* * *

It had been a few months since that unpleasant night. You had been ‘unable’ to meet up with your friends when Remus was in town. You figured that he was the one away from home all the time, it was more important that they get to spend time with him on those occasions.

You saw your friends when he wasn’t in town. They didn’t ask you what happened so you assumed that Remus told them and they were hoping that it would pass and that you would be friends with him again, but some hurts just ran too deep to be able to go back to the way things were.

You had just gotten home from overtime at work. You were on call for the Order but since you were a healer, you came when called.

You slipped off your shoes and went to forage for food. You needed to get to the market but you had been working non-stop for months. The upside to the utter exhaustion was that you didn’t have to cry for very long before you fell asleep.

You poured yourself a glass of wine. Yes, you always managed to get to the liquor store when you couldn’t make time to buy food, and yes, you knew you were drinking too much. You were working and drinking, drinking and working, all in an effort to numb the pain of losing the man you loved and your best friend at the same time.

Remus had not made any attempt to contact you. You had known that he wouldn’t, of course. You were second only to him in the pig-headed stubbornness category. Too bad that that old saying was true; absence truly made the heart grow fonder, and it was absolute pants. You wanted your heart to grow indifferent, not fonder.

As you stood in the kitchen pondering the moldy bread, stale crisps and can of beans, there was a knock at your door. You weren’t expecting anyone. In fact, no one had been here since Remus had visited that awful night.

Wand in one hand, you looked out the peep hole and saw Sirius. You opened the door quickly. “What’s happened?” you asked.

“Nothing, no worries. Just stopped by to see you,” he said, hands out in a comforting fashion.

“Oh. Come in,” you said, confused. Sirius had never come to visit you alone before. “Tea?”

“That would be lovely, thank you.”

You narrowed your eyes. “Why are you being polite, Sirius?”

Sirius raised his eyebrows in surprise. “Grumpy, aren’t we?”

You shrugged and then crossed your arms across your chest. “I dunno about you but I certainly am. What do you want?”

“I just wondered if you had heard from Remus, actually.”

“No, I haven’t. Why do you ask?”

“Oh I was just wondering how long the two of you were intending to behave like children?”

“And how are we behaving like children, O Great Authority on Adult Behavior?” you responded in your snottiest tone of voice.

“By not speaking, O Sarcastic One.”

You shrugged. “I think this is just the way things are now, Sirius,” you said quietly. “He made it clear that he didn’t want to be a part of my life.”

“That’s not how he tells it,” Sirius drawled as he plopped down on your sofa and set his feet on the the coffee table.

“Please, make yourself at home,” you said sarcastically.

“Don’t mind if I do,” he said with the smile that usually had a girl’s panties off a few minutes later.

“That smile doesn’t work on me, Black.”

“Course not. You love Remus.”

“How does he tell it? I know you’re dying to fill me in.”

“He said that you had a fight and threw him out.”

“Yet you know that I told him I love him?”

“Oh, no, but that’s very interesting.”

You sighed and sat down next to Sirius. “How is he?”

“Broken. How did you expect?”

“Indifferent, I suppose. It’s his choice, after all.”

“Is it, though?” Sirius asked in a bit of a condescending voice. “Because if you threw him out…”

“I kissed him, alright? I kissed him and told him I love him and he said he loved me too but we should forget it happened. How would you feel?”

“Shit,” he hissed. “I was afraid it would be something like this. He always said he’d never do anything about it.”

“So I just fall in love with him like an idiot and devote myself to a man who will never want to be with me. Well, pardon me for wanting a life of some sort when this horrid war is over. And if I’m around him I will never be able to have one, because he will be all I ever want if he’s near. So please, grace me with your wisdom. What should I do?”

You had started crying during your rant and Sirius pulled you into a hug. “Shhh don’t worry, love, we’ll figure something out.”

“How?” you sobbed pitifully. “He’s so stubborn.”

“I dunno, but we’re both brilliant and I’m exceptionally devious. We’ll think of something.”

You snickered a bit through your tears. “Merlin, Sirius Black can be nice. Who knew?”

“If you tell anyone, I will deny it with my dying breath.”

* * *

Remus was in town the following weekend, so everyone who was not out of town on a mission or on duty met up for drinks and to catch up with each other.

He had always been somewhat quiet, used to being the one who had to maintain control most of the time, but now he was withdrawn.

Sirius was actually worried about Remus. He usually would come out of his shell after a while, but these days all he did was sit and sulk, presumably about you.

Sirius took a deep breath and looked at Lily, hoping to Merlin he was doing the right thing. She caught his glance and they shared a look, taking the plunge for better or worse.

“Anyone spoken to Y/N lately?” Lily asked, not unnaturally loudly but with enough volume to reach Remus.

Sirius watched his friend perk up at the mention of your name.

“I had lunch with her a few days ago,” Alice said. “She’s… she’s alright I guess. Started seeing a bloke she met at St. Mungo’s.”

Remus stiffened at that information, then chugged the rest of his drink, immediately waving over a server to bring him another.

“What’s he do?” Lily asked.

“He’s someone she treated, artist or some such. She says he’s hoping to save up for space in a studio so he can devote himself to his art. They’re talking about him moving in with her since she makes enough that he wouldn’t have to keep working odd jobs like he does now.”

Sirius watched as Remus balled his hands into fists. If this didn’t work, he would most likely lose two friends and get an ass-kicking. Or two.

“Sounds like she’s being a bit reckless, don’t ya think?” Lily said, disapproval in her voice.

Alice nodded in agreement. “Yeah,” she said softly, not making this part up. “She didn’t look good, either. And ordered three drinks at lunch. I’m worried about her.”

“Maybe I ought to pay this bloke a visit,” James said. “We can’t let our girl get mixed up with the wrong sort.”

“Sounds like if you wanna meet him you just have to go to Y/N’s place,” Alice replied dryly.

Remus shot to his feet, threw some money on the table and said, “Gotta go,” then hurried out of the pub.

Your friends took a collective deep breath, hoping they had done the right thing.

* * *

You were sitting on your sofa, blanket tucked around yourself like a cocoon, book in your lap and junk food and wine within reach.

You were trying to distract yourself from the knowledge that all of your friends and the man you loved were gathered together and you weren’t with them because you couldn’t stand to see him with your feelings out in the open. Maybe someday you could be near him without feeling like your heart was shattering, but it wouldn’t be anytime soon.

You about fell off the sofa when there was a loud pounding at your door. “What the fuck?” you shrieked in surprise.

The pounding continued, and then you heard Remus scream, “Open the fucking door, Y/N!”

You were shocked but ran over to open the door before your neighbors called the police.

As soon as you pulled the door open, Remus shoved his way in, growling, “Where is he?”

“Huh? Where is who?” you asked, confused and angry.

“Your freeloading boyfriend!” he yelled as he went down the hall to your bedroom and slammed the door against the wall.

You followed him down the hall and said angrily, “What in Merlin’s dumpy drawers are you on about?”

“Alice said you were having some loser artist move in here so you could support him!”

“Alice is apparently a lying sack of dragon dung,” you shouted.

“What?” he said stupidly, rage dissipating.

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“What?” he repeated, feeling incredibly gullible and embarrassed.

“I think perhaps our friends manipulated you to get us together. But they don’t understand that it isn’t possible,” you said quietly, not meeting Remus’ eyes.

Remus stood and drank in the sight of you while you weren’t looking. You were wearing old jeans and oh, Merlin, was that one of his jumpers? He had always complained when you stole his clothes, but he secretly loved it. Maybe his inner caveman liked feeling like he had clothed his woman.

But you weren’t his woman.

But, you could be his woman. It would be so easy to give in and let you love him. It would feel so right just to be with you.

“I miss you so much,” he whispered brokenly.

“I miss you, too,” you replied, sniffling and wiping at your cheeks.

“I hate being the one to make you cry,” he said, his hands itching to pull you into his arms and comfort you.

“It is odd. You used to be my safe place.”

“Do you… d'you really not care?”

You looked up in surprise. “About you? I love you, of course I care about you! Moron.”

Remus cracked a smile. “No, do you really not care that I’m a…that I…”

“That you’re a werewolf?”

“Yeah,” he whispered. “How can it not matter? It ruins everything.”

“It didn’t ruin us.”

“I did that,” he said sadly.

You reached over and took his hand. “We don’t have to be ruined, y’know. Say the word and I’m yours.”

Remus looked gobsmacked. “I cannot believe you would forgive me.”

“Love, it was as much my fault as it was yours,” you said ruefully. “I just can’t pretend anymore. I love you, and knowing that you love me too makes it impossible to be near you and not with you. I’m sorry if that makes me selfish –”

“Shh,” he said, shaking his head. “You’re not selfish. You gave your heart to me and I threw it in your face.”

“I’m not gonna lie, it hurt.”

Remus placed his big palm against your cheek, feeling the tears he had caused against his skin. You looked up at him with shimmering eyes.

“I’m sorry I hurt you Y/N.”

“It’s alright, Remus. It’s not your fault I want something that you can’t give me.” You took a deep breath and continued, “But I can’t be just friends.”

“Then,” Remus choked out, then cleared his throat and tried again. “Then, we won’t be friends.”

You nodded sadly. “I understand.”

“We’ll be whatever you want to be, because I can’t go on without you.”

“Really?” you asked happily.

“Really. I don’t understand why you love me but I am not going to continue to question being the luckiest man in the world.”

You threw your arms around him and he picked you up and squeezed you. Then your lips found each other’s and you kissed and it was absolute bliss.

When you finally surrendered to the need to breathe, you looked into Remus’ eyes and said, “Remus, do you promise? You have to be sure, love.”

Remus smiled and caressed your cheek, then kissed you gently. “I know I’ve given you every reason to doubt me, but I promise you, if you truly want me, I will be yours forever.”

“That’s all I could ever hope for,” you said with a dreamy smile, happier than you had ever imagined you could be.


	8. The One Who Held My Heart

“Y/N?” Remus called to you in the darkness. He was carrying the Marauders Map and could see you unmoving in the middle of the Quidditch pitch.

“Over here, Moony,” you called, then cast _Lumos_ so that he could follow the light from your wand.

You were lying flat on your back and looking at the sky. Remus lie down next to you, close enough so that you could feel the heat emanating from his body but not so close he was touching you.

He was always careful not to touch you.

You extinguished your wand and continued to look at the night sky, the silence comfortable between you.

“Why are you out here all by yourself?” he asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

You took a deep breath. “I am pondering my circumstances.”

Remus smiled at your dramatic turn of phrase. “What circumstances might those be, my dear.”

“Oh, you know. Girl meets boy. Girl falls madly for boy. Boy tells girl he’s a werewolf and that she should find someone else because he isn’t good enough for her. Girl still adores boy but he pretends to be oblivious.”

Remus sighed. “I’m not oblivious. I’m protecting you.”

“I didn’t ask you to protect me, Remus. I can do that myself.”

“I suppose that’s good, there’s a war coming. None of us will be safe.”

“Merlin you’re stubborn,” you muttered.

“And so are you,” he whispered back.

“So,” you changed the subject with a joke, “graduation tomorrow and you managed to resist my charms.”

“It was an Herculean task, I promise,” he replied.

You stared up at the sky for another few moments, not really noticing the clouds darkening until the heavens opened up and a torrential downpour began, soaking you through in seconds. You got up and ran for the stands, trying to get under some cover, but then lightning began to fork across the sky and you decided hiding under a metal structure might not be the best idea.

Remus grabbed your hand and led you to the changing rooms for the Quidditch teams, then cast a spell to light the globes.

“Merlin, it’s July and I’m freezing to death!” you exclaimed.

“Never underestimate the weather in Scotland,” Remus laughed, pulling you next to him and putting his arm around you, sliding down the wall to sit next to each other and sharing his warmth.

You sat next to him for a bit, listening to the rain and wishing things could be different. With a burst of determination, you muttered, “Fuck it,” turned to face Remus, straddled his hips and kissed him.

Remus tried to resist, he really did, but he was as crazy about you as you were about him. He gave in to his desire and kissed you back for all he was worth, running his hands up and down your back and sides, groaning into your mouth when you rubbed your groin against his and finally rolling you onto your back and taking control of the kiss. Remus poured all of his feelings for you into the kiss: his adoration of you, his lust for you, his frustration at not being able to be with you and his anguish at parting from you tomorrow.

When you broke apart, you knew that this wasn’t going to change anything. This wasn’t the beginning of something, but rather a tribute to something that Remus had decided could never be. You sat in silence, holding hands until the rain slowed enough to be able to safely return to the castle.

“I love you, Remus John Lupin,” you said to him, knowing you wouldn’t hear the words returned.

“I wish – I think you are the most amazing, intelligent, kind and beautiful woman ever born. Some bloke is going to be very lucky when you come to your senses,” he said.

You heard a sniffle and Remus got to his feet and said, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” in a choked voice.

“Goodnight, Remus,” you whispered, unsure of whether he heard you as he hurried back to the castle.

* * *

Remus went to his dorm room and pulled the curtains. He didn’t want to talk to his friends, knowing that they would tell him that he should grab you with both hands and run away together. And Merlin, he wanted that with every fiber of his being. He had actually considered asking you out. Well, he had thought of little else, really, but it always came down to the same thing: he was a werewolf, and therefore an outcast. He had seen what it had done to his parents and he wouldn’t do it to anyone else he cared about.

Even if it ripped his heart out to stay away from you.

He pulled off his clothes and put on dry bed clothes and lie down on his pillows, but there was a crunch that made him sit up to find a piece of folded parchment folded on his pillow. Brow wrinkled in confusion, he picked it up and then saw your handwriting on the page.

_My Darling Remus,_

_I cannot let our time at school together come to an end without telling you that I think you are a wonderful, handsome, brilliant and sweet man. I would have been proud to be your girlfriend, but I know that it wasn’t meant to be. While I always hoped and dreamed for more from you, it was an honor to be counted amongst the numbers of those whom you considered to be your friends._

_I truly love you, Remus John Lupin. I don’t know if this is how I will always feel, for at our age who can be sure of anything? But one thing I do know, I will always cherish our memories and will always wonder what if._

_I wish you happiness. I know that you will not be able to stay out of the coming fight, so I also wish you safety and luck._

_All my love,_

_Y/N_

Remus sat down and read the parchment again, commanding himself to burn it and let his love for you perish in the flames, but he simply couldn’t.

* * *

September, 1993

You knocked on the office door of your new colleague. You couldn’t believe the butterflies that were apparently madly trying to escape your stomach as you rapped the wood with your jittery knuckles.

You couldn’t believe that your heart didn’t actually leap out of your chest when the knob turned and the door swing open to reveal the love of your life.

“Hello, Remus,” you whispered.

A sad smile crossed Remus’ features. “Hello, Y/N.”

Should you shake hands, hug – kiss? Remus pulled you into his office and closed the door, then pulled you into his arms.

“Merlin, but I’ve missed you, my dear,” he said quietly, pulling back to look at you. “You’ve hardly aged!”

“Pshaw. I’m as old as you are, Professor Lupin,” you said sternly before the soft smile returned to your face. “And I have missed you, as well.”

“I would offer you tea but I haven’t really unpacked.”

“No, we have to get to the Great Hall for the Sorting Ceremony.”

“Well then,” Remus said, straightening his robes and holding out his arm like in the old days.

You slipped your arm through his and all the old feelings came rushing to the surface as you strolled through the halls of your youth together.

“So tell me all about Y/N. Is your last name still Y/L/N?”

“Many women keep their names these days, Remus.”

“You always were one to believe in the equality of witches.”

“Indeed. But, as it happens, there was only one other surname I would have considered carrying in place of my own, and he was rather stingy with sharing it,” you said as you reached the Great Hall. “Ah, here we are. I’m certain we’ll have another opportunity to talk again soon. So wonderful to see you again, dearest Remus.”

Remus stood a bit stunned, wondering if you meant his surname.

“Professor Lupin, won’t you join us?” called out Headmaster Dumbledore.

Remus shook himself mentally and smiled at Dumbledore, focusing on the joy of the moment. He was actually teaching and he was ecstatic about it. The hum of voices and happy cheers as new students were sorted into their Houses brought back memories of the best years of Remus’ life, as did seeing you.

Dumbledore introduced Remus to the students and the feast began. The food at Hogwarts was plentiful and delicious, yet he found himself staring at you and forgetting to eat.

Announcements were made and the students were led to their common rooms by their house prefects and the professors adjourned to a staff lounge for a cocktail party to welcome new faculty and staff and welcome back those who were returning.

* * *

A while later, Dumbledore excused himself to go to bed which was the signal for everyone to return to their unpacking.

You walked with Remus, both of you receiving looks of hatred from Snape.

“I see Severus is as pleasant as ever,” Remus whispered conspiratorially.

“Indeed. He was foaming at the mouth when he heard that you were getting the DADA job.”

“Are you married?” Remus blurted out rather artlessly.

You smiled. “No, Remus. I never found a man who could overshadow my love for you, so I decided not to ruin two lives by trying to learn to love a man other than the one who held my heart.”

Remus was speechless. You had reached his office by this point. You knew that anything he said would be a repeat of all of his reasons from fifteen years previously.

“I’ll see you at breakfast, Remus. Goodnight,” you said with a smile as you turned to go to your quarters.

“Goodnight,” he said faintly, still gobsmacked by your casual admission of still loving him after all these years.

You got quite a ways down the hall and turned a corner before you heard footsteps behind you. Turning in curiosity, you saw Remus following you with a determined look upon his face. You waited, wondering if he was coming to scold you for your bluntness.

He stood before you for a moment as if searching his mind for words that refused to answer his call. He finally held up a finger and reached into his breast pocket, retrieving a worn piece of parchment that he offered to you.

Curious, you accepted it and opened it up to see your excessively elaborate teenage handwriting. “I can’t believe you kept this all these years,” you whispered in amazement. “Why did you keep it?”

“Because I loved you, too. And even though I tried so hard to protect you from being with me, I always dreamed of how it could have been,” he whispered back.

“Still curious?” you asked, not quite meeting his eyes.

“Merlin, yes,” he said on an exhale, he said, slowly leaning down to kiss you, his eyes asking permission.

You met him halfway and Oh, Godric, it was every bit as wonderful as you remembered. Remus groaned and pulled you closer, obviously sharing your opinion.

You chuckled a bit and Remus squeezed you.

“What’s funny?”

“I was laughing because we’re sneaking kisses in the hallway at Hogwarts. Perhaps my quarters would be more comfortable?”

A look of hunger crossed his features. “I fear if I come to your quarters in my current state of mind, I may not leave until breakfast,” he said as if in warning.

You snickered and leaned up to whisper in his ear while trailing your hand down his front. “Darling, if you come to my quarters tonight, I promise I will take almost twenty years of sexual frustration out of your hide and you won’t be able to walk before breakfast.”

Remus exhaled a shuddering breath and then said, “Yes, that sounds like a splendid idea.”

You took him by the hand and said, “Welcome home, my love.”

“Thank you, darling. I have a feeling I am going to enjoy your welcome far more than I did Albus’,” he said with a naughty wink.

You laughed, so happy to finally have a chance to be with the man you had loved for most of your life. The two of you linked arms and walked briskly to your quarters, both excited at the prospect of a new life together.


End file.
